This is a story of a couple who rediscovered the spark of their marriage in the most vulnerable times. Can we do the same? Let’s see how.
Anju and Mohan were happily married after a courtship of six long years. The world was such a beautiful place for both of them until a few months after marriage, when the harsh realities of day to day life started striking them. The souls which were felt to be created for each other suddenly started departing as if from Mars and Venus! Well, they knew earlier too that there are many differences between both of them. But Mohan used to say, “U know dear opposite poles attract each other!” and Anju honestly believed so. Then why suddenly lines like-“We both were happy for twenty years, thereafter we met” started sounding sarcastically true? Why even after bearing a sweet little kid, everything about each other seemed wrong?
Does above story sound too familiar? After so many books written and read about “Improving your relationship with your spouse”, why most marriages are unhappy? As many of us, Anju and Mohan were also educated and cultured people. They had already started contemplating the reasons for their troubled marriage.
This was the time when Anju fell sick. The chills and temperature were just not receding and then followed a series of investigations. As the misfortune would have, she was suffering from severe typhoid and septicemia. She had to be admitted to hospital. After initial three to four days of frequent hospital visits, Mohan decided to bring her back home and do the nursing care himself, as they were alone in the big city and nobody could accompany her.
Severely ill and tensed Anju was initially reluctant to go home. She felt, the fellow who does not know what household chores are will never be able to manage. But to her utter surprise, he did. He took care of her and their kid for nearly 18-20 days without a frown of complaint. He took leave from his work. During this time he realized how important the mere presence of his wife for him is! For her, all negativities seemed to vanish in thin air when he used to apply analgesic lotion to her painful back.
For all those who detest their spouses, here is the trump card! Think whether you will love your life without him or her? Many of us desire so many things in life and our desires do not seem to match our partner’s. However, many times, when we think that we have achieved all those desires in our life without the presence of our spouse, we realize how futile that happiness is.
In most marriages, however troubled they may be, the spouses say, “No, I may be happier for a few days without her but cannot tolerate total absenteeism of him or her in life.” If your answer is same or similar, take it for granted that there is lot of scope for improvement in your relationship. Then let’s see what can be done? Or what Anju and Mohan did?
1. Think beyond you- Well, though this is easier said than done, with practice it is definitely possible to put yourself in other person’s shoes and understand his or her problems and feelings. Even a pat on back or a hug after a long day’s work works wonders than a diamond necklace!
2. Understand importance of small things in life- It is well said that smallest things in life bear the largest implications. While on work, message her, “I love you sweetheart, you are so beautiful” and she is sure to greet you with warm hug on your return. Tell him how crazy you are of his golf hobby instead of nagging him about his bad habits and he is sure to take responsibility of kitchen one fine evening.
3. Give enough space to each other- This is the most important but most ignored aspect of any marriage. The bond of marriage shouldn’t seem big burden of restriction for both of you. More the space you give each other, more likely you will form the major part of that space. It has been observed by relationship experts that couples who are not restrictive have more to share with each other and so have better communication.
4. Learn the art of forgiveness- This is truly tricky thing especially in today’s world where both spouses are independent and have their egos always intact. Though we all know, “to err is human”, how many of us can really accept this error and move ahead? This forms the major hurdle for any relationship to bloom and mature. Unless couples stop criticizing about each others’ inadequacies and blunders, the lotus of love cannot bloom. Accepting the errors and living with them as part of life makes the path much easier. It is very well said that we should enjoy our similarities and respect our differences.
What more? These were things sensed in time by Anju and Mohan. So, when Mohan whispered in Anju’s ears, “You are looking so gorgeous! I love you, please don’t leave me ever”, Anju’s watery eyes told him that their relationship is here to stay…till eternity…even beyond!
Authored By Dr. Shreya B. Deshpande, India